I'm NOT OK...Ok?

Since I started this blog I know that I have been writing serious stuff here; most of 'em were about what happened to my damn life, all my triumphs and misery. This time I'm gonna be MORE serious... and I'm gonna be (quite) tougher to blurt everything here. Bahala na kung ano mangyari after.

It's random thoughts, so I'm just gonna tell it numerically:

1. Ang Hapag Kainan.

This is really silly but it really gets to me na. Every night lagi na lang akong naghihintay sa kanya, sa kanila, para sabay-sabay kameng kumain. When mom was still alive, hindi pwedeng may maiiwan sa pagkain, dapat sabay-sabay. And now nakaka-asar kasi pagkatapos mo silang antayin ikaw pa yung iiwanan sa ere. Nakaka-asar na talaga!!!

2. Being helpful or being Dumb?

Minsan naisip ko, hindi naman ako binabayaran dito baket kailangan ko pang tumulong? Kung minsan gusto kong tumanggi, gustong kong sabihin na, "Ayoko ngang gawin eh, pwede ba!?!" Pero bakit gano'n? Hindi ko mapigilan yung sarili ko na tumulong. Kahit na alam ko na wala naman talaga kong mapapala dun, tinutuloy ko pa din. Am I too dumb because I don't know how to say "NO" or am I just really being helpful?

3. Ang mga hilig ko...

Heto na naman po tayo... Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit weird ang tingin ng tao sa'ken dahil sobra akong loyal sa mga hilig ko. Yes, I'm talking about MEG, Lea Salonga, Charmed... I don't understand why they can't understand that I love what I'm doing. I love to do it because it's what makes me happy and feel very contented... Can't they just be happy for me and leave me and my obsessions alone? Hindi naman ako nakakatapak ng ibang tao, so walang masama dun!

4. Ang Bago kong Career... Magtatagal Nga Ba'ko Dito???

There's nothing like the feeling I felt when I knew that I actually got a job. Pero ngayon na nandito na'ko... Parang gusto ko na lang na mag-aral na lang ulet. Aaminin ko, I'm happy naman with my job, that I have a job now. Kaya lang there were times na I got bored... siguro kasi hindi pa'ko nakakapag-sulat hanggang ngayon. Anyway, bago pa lang naman ako. I know after a few days, magsusulat na rin ako. Siguro pag ako hindi pa nakapag-sulat after May, baka pag-isipan ko bigla na magsimula na maghanap na ulit ng ibang mapapasukan... Pero after three or six months na lang din siguro. I hope that after a few more days, things will get better with me.

5. Ano'ng meron sa taong ito at nagsisipatayan ang mga tao???

Una, si Mama... tapos yung lolo ni Mics... then yung mama ni Ate Diane... And then nung April si Sir Dong naman. Tapos ngayon, yung lola ni Ana. Ano ba'ng meron ang 2006 at nababawasan ang mga mahal ko sa buhay, at ang mga mahal ng mahal ko sa buhay??? 

6. Ang Pag-ibig...

A few weeks ago I just get my permission... Haha!! Syet!! Pwede na'ko mag-boyfriend??? Ok, now I've said that, hindi ibig sabihin na may boyfriend na'ko.. Siguro, I can entertain them na. But when does love gonna come my way??? That, I don't know. Actually, I'm crushing on someone right now... AND I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU WHO HE IS!!! :P

7. Forever Charmed.

Malungkot ako, kasi three episodes na lang, tapos na yung Charmed... for good. It's just so sad kasi it's one TV series that I've come to "love." Charmed has been a part of my weekly "chores" and my life is not complete kapag hindi ako nakakapanuod ng Charmed. I'm just gonna cry at its ending... I swear!

8. Ang hirap ng buhay...

Dati, wala akong pakialam sa pagtaas ng pamasahe... sa pagtaas ng bilihin... at kung anu-ano pa. I care but I don't care MUCH. Pero ngayon na nandito na'ko, ang hirap pala mabuhay. Ang hirap nang lumalaki. Habang tumatagal, pahirap nang pahirap. Naisip ko, am I really up for the challenges??? I believed that I'm tougher than I think. Pero I can't help but think twice. Gaano nga ba 'ko ka-strong???

Hayan... Yan ang ilan sa mga dahilan kung bakit ako malungkot ngayon. Sabihin na natin na masyado kong sineseryoso ang buhay. Kahit ako, hindi ko alam kung bakit ganon ang nangyayari sa akin... sa atin.. But I'm telling, it bugs me.

Just so you know, as I'm writing this blog, I'm not crying. My heart is.

--
"When you got something in your head, don't stop until you're really, really good at it." -Lea Salonga