The Afterlife

Photo c/o: rebloggy.com

   I was standing on a chair, ropes on my neck. I don't really remember why I'm doing this, only that I have to. I closed my eyes and stepped off the chair and all of a sudden, it was like being jolted. I saw something white snapped; almost like a firework being lit in front of my face. I closed my eyes and when I reopened them, I am down. I can see the ropes still hanging, but my body isn't there. Am I dead? If I am, where's my Mom? I thought you were supposed to see everyone who's passed on before you when you died. If I'm dead, I'm kinda disappointed.

   I walked upstairs, trying to see the situation there. It was quiet as I go up. In the living room, I saw my father talking to a man and a woman. Do they know I'm dead? Who are they? No one seemed to notice me, so I continue walking. Maybe I am dead.

   I checked my sister's room first. It was empty. The bed is made up, but there are no traces of her. Where is she? Has she left for the United States already? I can't remember.

   I went to see my room next. When I opened it, I saw the man and the woman shocked. Are they seeing my room door being opened by no one? Am I a ghost? When I walked inside my bedroom, I saw that it's messy. Like it wasn't mine. I know it's my room, but it kinda looks like the old room that me and my sister shared as a kid. There were clothes on my bed. Clothes I didn't even recognize. Is this really mine? Where are my siblings?

   Worried, I went downstairs. The ropes are still there, but my body's gone. Am I dead? How come no one seems to notice? Does everyone even know I'm dead? Seeing the ropes, I suddenly had an image of what I looked like; the side of my right eye is bruised, still almost bleeding; my eyes are opened, shocked, tears streaming down my face. Suddenly, I felt a pang of loneliness. Why is it that, even after I died, nobody cared about me? If this is what dying is, then I must say it's nothing like I expected.

   I looked outside. Can I leave the house? How come I'm not floating? How can I find my mom? I walked towards the door, but when I tried opening it, I was blasted back. Great. I'm dead and trapped inside our house.

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When I woke up from the dream, I took a second to process what happened and see whether I'm still alive or not. I don't have any plans of taking away my life. Despite everything that's happened to me these past few years, killing myself has never been on top of my list. Freedom, yes, but not by dying.

Speaking of freedom...

I see this dream as that; the need for freedom. I think that the dream manifested that in order for me to be free, something drastic must be done. Not by dying, per se, but something that could possibly, hopefully, shake things up. But when (and IF) I get it, am I ready for the loneliness? Will it be satisfying? Who can I count on once I started going down that road?

I know that once I go down it, there's no turning back. But if by doing something I don't normally do is what it takes to insinuate change, then who am I to disagree?

What about you? What do you think of this dream? Is it really just a dream or a foreshadowing of what's to come?

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"Imitating may be the best form of flattery, but not the best form of writing."