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| My Family sans Mommy, Christmas 2011 |
Christmas and
New Year's have always been my favorite holidays (aside from the Lenten Season,
actually). Aside from the fact that it's Christmas, it's also the time when we
usually hold our annual Reunion-slash-New-Year's-Party. But ever since Mom
passed away, our lives have turned upside down. My siblings and I were forced
to grow up, and the Holiday Seasons weren't that merry anymore. But no matter
how hard life has always been with us, it's ok. We always make it through the
day together... until now, actually.
It's not that
the family is broken or what, I just really feel sad and heartbroken, I guess.
I've always been open about missing my Mom, but I miss her more now. Recently,
my brother and his family moved out of the house, which leaves me, Ate, and Daddy
at home. Now, I'm not saying that I don't like this set-up. Ate and I actually
felt a bit proud of ourselves because we managed to have our house renovated by
pooling both our income together (and without help from other people). It's
something that I've always wanted to do ever since, re-do my room, I mean. But
after the renovation, the house just feels empty. I don't know why... it just
does.
Anyway, my family doesn't always go out every Christmas. We actually prefer to stay home and
spend Christmas together. I remember receiving gifts from "Santa" and
wonder why his penmanship was the same as my Mom's. My favorite gift was the
Barbie set I received when I was in Grade School (wrapped with an SSS paper).
Even if our parents never really gave us grandiose gifts, it was alright. We
still feel happy and whole.
>It was also
because of my Mom that I learned how to wrap gifts and shop. And as for
clothes, well, she used to have her clothes tailor made. That's one thing I
love about her. She likes Fashion, but she doesn't like following trends. And
when it comes to gift-giving, my mom never holds back. We can wrap gifts all
day together and never get bored.
After Mom died
in 2003, spending the holiday season has been harder. For one, I don't have
anyone to attend Simbang Gabi with anymore. And second, nobody prayed (led) the
rosary on New Year's Eve anymore, when Dad is outside setting the fireworks.
Last year, I
remember spending Christmas Eve almost practically alone. Ate was at work, and Kuya and his family was at Ate Grace's. It was hard last year, because things
aren't as great with Dad, so I just simply went to the neighbor's home to have
Noche Buena and pretend I'm having the best day of my life although inside, I
just really wanted to lie down and sleep it off. This year is going to be the
same, but not quite. Again, Ate will be at work, and Kuya and my nephew and
nieces will be in their new home, at Ate Grace's parent's house.
To be honest, I
don't really care about spending Christmas with just Dad or whatever, because I
always know that we're going to be together on New Year's anyway. This year
though, I think it's going to be lonely because for the first time in our
entire life, we won't be spending it with my brother, sister-in-law, and my rowdy
nephew and nieces. I just feel extremely sad. )=
People say that
if you are attending Simbang Gabi you should wish for something and it will
come true. I have been attending Simbang Gabi for as long as I can remember,
and while I can say that (some) my wishes did come true, I don't think this one
will. I just want to have a peaceful and genuinely happy Christmas and New
Year's and hopefully, with all of my family.
So if your family is still complete, make sure you spend holidays like these with them. You'll never know when God will take them back.
Have a Merry
Christmas and a Happy New Year, everyone.
--
"Imitating may be the best form of flattery, but not the best form of writing."
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