When the Holiday Season USED to be Merry...

My Family sans Mommy, Christmas 2011

Christmas and New Year's have always been my favorite holidays (aside from the Lenten Season, actually). Aside from the fact that it's Christmas, it's also the time when we usually hold our annual Reunion-slash-New-Year's-Party. But ever since Mom passed away, our lives have turned upside down. My siblings and I were forced to grow up, and the Holiday Seasons weren't that merry anymore. But no matter how hard life has always been with us, it's ok. We always make it through the day together... until now, actually.

It's not that the family is broken or what, I just really feel sad and heartbroken, I guess. I've always been open about missing my Mom, but I miss her more now. Recently, my brother and his family moved out of the house, which leaves me, Ate, and Daddy at home. Now, I'm not saying that I don't like this set-up. Ate and I actually felt a bit proud of ourselves because we managed to have our house renovated by pooling both our income together (and without help from other people). It's something that I've always wanted to do ever since, re-do my room, I mean. But after the renovation, the house just feels empty. I don't know why... it just does.

Anyway, my family doesn't always go out every Christmas. We actually prefer to stay home and spend Christmas together. I remember receiving gifts from "Santa" and wonder why his penmanship was the same as my Mom's. My favorite gift was the Barbie set I received when I was in Grade School (wrapped with an SSS paper). Even if our parents never really gave us grandiose gifts, it was alright. We still feel happy and whole.

>It was also because of my Mom that I learned how to wrap gifts and shop. And as for clothes, well, she used to have her clothes tailor made. That's one thing I love about her. She likes Fashion, but she doesn't like following trends. And when it comes to gift-giving, my mom never holds back. We can wrap gifts all day together and never get bored.

After Mom died in 2003, spending the holiday season has been harder. For one, I don't have anyone to attend Simbang Gabi with anymore. And second, nobody prayed (led) the rosary on New Year's Eve anymore, when Dad is outside setting the fireworks.

Last year, I remember spending Christmas Eve almost practically alone. Ate was at work, and Kuya and his family was at Ate Grace's. It was hard last year, because things aren't as great with Dad, so I just simply went to the neighbor's home to have Noche Buena and pretend I'm having the best day of my life although inside, I just really wanted to lie down and sleep it off. This year is going to be the same, but not quite. Again, Ate will be at work, and Kuya and my nephew and nieces will be in their new home, at Ate Grace's parent's house.

To be honest, I don't really care about spending Christmas with just Dad or whatever, because I always know that we're going to be together on New Year's anyway. This year though, I think it's going to be lonely because for the first time in our entire life, we won't be spending it with my brother, sister-in-law, and my rowdy nephew and nieces. I just feel extremely sad. )=

People say that if you are attending Simbang Gabi  you should wish for something and it will come true. I have been attending Simbang Gabi for as long as I can remember, and while I can say that (some) my wishes did come true, I don't think this one will. I just want to have a peaceful and genuinely happy Christmas and New Year's and hopefully, with all of my family.

So if your family is still complete, make sure you spend holidays like these with them. You'll never know when God will take them back.

Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, everyone.

"Imitating may be the best form of flattery, but not the best form of writing."

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