It's like one of those days when you feel like freezing everyone who opens their mouth. It's that time of the month when you just want everyone to leave you alone. No, I'm not talking about PMS-ing or having a period. It's just one of those days...

I know what my responsibilities are. Even if I can't even save a peso for myself, at the end of the day I feel contented that at the very least, I get to fulfill my duties (I hope)... Plus, I get to buy a book that I can read, but that was it. No extra cash to say that "these are the fruits of my labor."

Sometimes I wonder if I'm being too kind for doing too much, or am I really just that selfish? I don't know. Every month I always think about all the things I need to do... and bills that I need to pay for. Everything. People think that it's like speaking to a tree but believe me, I'm listening. Sometimes people would also say that I'm too kind because I keep saying 'yes' to everything even if it's against my will, but I don't know why I still feel like I'm the most selfish person in the world... I don't know why and how they can make me feel like I'm the most self-centered bitch in the world. Maybe I am. But I'm trying my hardest to do everything. I work hard (maybe working too hard for the money) just so I can get a higher pay every month; still, it just doesn't seem enough.

I miss those times when I don't have to think about anything but myself... Times when I can save P100 on my P150 baon just so I can save and watch a Lea Salonga concert.

Maybe, all I want to say is, "how much I'm getting is soooooo NOT enough."

But what can I do? Quit? Maybe. But am I ready to start all over again? I don't know. Maybe I should just suck it all up and proceed with what I have started because this is making me look like an idiot and immature.

Maybe, this is the best that I can do (for now), rant and keep working... even if it's not good enough.

"When you lie, Be Consistent. (="

6 shout outs:

jhOy said...

*sigh* me too... parang laging kulang pa din... sana balik estudyante para enge baon na lang

JC said...

well, mas gusto ko na'ng kumikita ako ng sarili kong pera.

Jakey Junkie The Bunny said...

At the other side of the spectrum, this is one of the fine examples that makes life worth living.

I don't know if this would help you much, but I'd just leave this here:

In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out. Usually, what you wish for doesn't fall in your lap; it falls somewhere nearby, and you have to recognize it, stand up, and put in the time and work it takes to get it. This isn’t because the universe is cruel. It’s because the universe is smart. It has its own cat-string theory and knows we don’t appreciate things that fall in our laps. (Neil Strauss, "The Game")

JC said...

hey, thanks for that. you know what, you're right. even if it sucks that i can't save enough for myself, at the end of the day, ifeel like everything is still worth it. (=

Anonymous said...

I feel you M.Jack.

JC said...

wo's this, please?