the Mind versus the Heart

When I was still studying, I used to follow my heart. From the elective I will take in high school, to joining the school's dance troupe, to the course I'm gonna take in college, to engaging myself to theatre, to following my dreams by making a way to be a MEG intern and an ABS intern, and to NOT have a BOYFRIEND until I finished college. I have done it and it feels great; but now that I am actually here, starting at the real world, is it BEST to follow your heart than what your mind is telling you???

After graduation, I planned to finally enroll on a summer workshop at CCP. It was all set- the money (MY Money), what I am going to take, and of course, MYSELF. I was saving that money just so I can make that plan came to reality. But when our graduation is through, suddenly everything becomes vague. I asked my sister about it and she said a resounding NO. She told me to just join Gantimpala (GTF) instead of enrolling myself to TP. She also said that there is NO MONEY in theatre and I'm just KINDA wasting my time and energy (well not exactly but I get her point). It was a sad news, but then I started to think (and rethink) about it and understand what she is trying to tell me.

Ok so I stopped listening to my heart when it comes to theatre. But not officially.

Not only that my heart and my mind clashes when it comes to theatre. A few days ago I was browsing the internet for some job openings and found this interesting job I might actually enjoy doing. I applied for Sneakin Design as an online writer and it sent me an exam the day after. It requires the writer to come up with at least two (or more) "400-500 word" articles a day. I was excited to take the exam (English Grammar Quiz and 2 Writing Samples) and was already half-way through it. Suddenly, a friend of mine texted me yesterday saying that we kinda have a bigger chance to work in ABS because we have been an intern there, and because it's easier to be accepted if the station itself endorsed you. But of course, we have to start as a Production Assistant (It's ok, I told myself. At least we can have some experience). She told us that they might call us one of these days for an interview (and an exam maybe), and then training starts May. Now I'm kinda confused!!!!!

I never dreamed to be a Production Assistant. But the priviledge (to work in ABS-CBN) made me rethink of which of the two jobs (being a writer or a PA) I'm going to accept. I've always loved writing and it was actually one of my dreams to become a writer once I've graduated (But I have to admit that I want to be a writer for MEG, not with other company). And now it's coming true, but I dunno why I'm still sorta hesitant if I'm gonna continue this dream job I have or not.

Anyway, just so all of you know, I am going to finish my exam with Sneakin Design and whatever happens next, I hope I would have a clearer picture as what I want to happen with my career!

Damn! It's really hard to follow your mind when your heart tells you the other way around!!!

"When you got something in your head, don't stop until you're really, really good at it." -Lea Salonga